My Love Story...

人的一生会遇上的四个人

2007-05-09T01:04:00.000+08:00

人生就是为了找寻爱的过程，每个人的人生都要找到四个人。

第一个是自己,
第二个是你最爱的人，
第三个是最爱你的人，
第四个是共度一生的人.

首先会遇到你最爱的人，然後体会到爱的感觉；因为了解被爱的感觉，所以才能发现最爱你的人；当你经历过爱人与被爱，学会了爱，才会知道什么是你需要的，也才会找到最适合你，能够相处一辈子的人。但很悲哀的，在现实生活中，这三个人通常不是同一个人；你最爱的，往往没有选择你；最爱你的，往往不是你最爱的；而最长久的，偏偏不是你最爱也不是最爱你的，只是在最适合的时间出现的那个人。你，会是别人生命中的第几个人呢？没有人是故意要变心的，他爱你的时候是真的爱你，可是他不爱你的时候也是真的不爱你了，他爱你的时候没有办法假装不爱你；同样的，他不爱你的时候也没有办法假装爱你。当一个人不爱你要离开你，你要问自己还爱不爱他，如果你也不爱他了，千万别为了可怜的自尊而不肯离开；如果你还爱他，你应该会希望他过得幸福快乐，希望他跟真正爱的人在一起，绝不会阻止，你要是阻止他得到真正的幸福，就表示你已经不爱他了，而如果你不爱他，你又有什么资格指责他变心呢？爱不是占有，你喜欢月亮，不可能把月亮拿下来放在脸盆里，但月亮的光芒仍可照进你的房间。换句话说，你爱一个人，也可以用另一种方式拥有，爱人成为生命里的永恒回忆，如果你真爱一个人，就要爱他原来的样子─爱他的好，也爱他的坏：爱他的优点，也爱他的缺点，绝不能因为爱他，就希望他变成自己所希望的样子，万一变不成就不爱他了。真正爱一个人是无法说出原因的，你只知道无论何时何地、心情好坏，你都希望这个人陪著你；真正的感情是两人能在最艰苦中相守，也就是没有丝毫要求。毕竟，感情必须付出，而不是只想获得；分开是一种必然的考验，如果你们感情不够稳固，只好认输，真爱是不会变成怨恨的。你呢？找到了第几个？茫茫人海中，你遇见了谁？谁又遇见了你？

The girl that helps me along have moved on herself....leaving me alone again.

2007-05-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

Many days, many months have past... The girl finally have moved on herself le!! Leaving me behind, leaving me the sorrows that it was not meant to be...Why? Why did the girl that i have fallen in love with, after my 6 years r/s brokeup, just simply don't accept me? Leaving me so relectant to blog for a couples of month.... I just hate to get hurt again and again!!! It Sucks!!...

Telling me that she cant forget her ex-bf and wanted to wait for his returning. Will that be an excuse or a reason to me? But why? Am i not good enough? Not caring enough? Not romantic enough? Or...??

As i thought that i have moved on for my previous r/s and i could start off with another... *Just like, She have brought me to the top of the mountain and she pushed me down!* This kind of feelings really is unbearable!!

I believed that the 100 roses that i have made for her did not manage to touch her heart at all...

A Girl that can make me move on...

2006-10-30T20:50:00.000+08:00

It has been 1 year, 3 months and 11 days of my breakup... My life have changed and everything around me changes too! My mind's full of my previous relationship's memories is starting to get fader and fader away from me accept a few sweet memories that is left for me now...

Throughout these sad moments of mine, i have met with lots and kinds of people in my life!! Many were girls and including male friends as well...

Everything is moving so fast and changes as much that have made me feels tired and not determined anymore to get back on my relationship with Hai Lee anymore... She changes too much and i felt frighten!! Maybe i have moved on!! And i'm so happy that i have done it!!!

During those months of "struggling to move on" period, i have came across girls that i might be fond of but i really could not commit myself and also did not have that much of feelings that can make my heart beats faster...

Perhaps i'm a guy that will fall in love with a girl who touches my heart... and perhaps i'm a guy that will fall in love with a girl that i so called a ''sweet girl''...

In August, i get to know a girl which i find that she is pretty sweet looking!! A girl that is simple, pure and sweet!!! We started going out very often whenever she is in Singapore and i really enjoyed myself for the time spent with her... She cared for me, she concerned for me... Ops!! i guessed that she have touches my heart!! And with that, i would be able to do lots of things that i also could not believe for myself!!! I have not been wooing a girl for 7 years close to 8 years as my previous r/s take up 6 years... So i guess that i'm really afraid and scare to ask her to be my girl...

A girl that is able for me to remember her IC number, remember how to write her chinese name, remember that she loves massage, remember that she loves chocolates, remember that she likes the t-shirt brand that is 'Aeropostale', remember that she likes perfume from Anna Sui, remember that she likes things that is weird that can changes her life like 'tarot cards' and many many more...

She once told me to give her 100 reasons for some little particular argument that we had... But i guess that i should give her 100 reasons why i fall in love with her!!!

1. I fall for u cause u r sweet! 2. I fall for u cause i begins to love u. 3. I fall for u cause u r cute! 4. I fall for u cause u smile at me. 5. I fall for u cause u can make me laugh. 6. I fall for u cause u have a wonderful smile! 7. I fall for u cause u make my heart beats fast! 8. I fall for u cause u r able to listen to me. 9. I fall for u cause u r concern for me! 10. I fall for u cause u care for me! 11. I fall for u cause u have a sweet voice. 12. I fall for u cause u r a real dumbo! 13. I fall for u cause u r naughty at times. 14. I fall for u cause u r beautiful. 15. I fall for u cause i have feelings for u. 16. I fall for u cause u share your life with me. 17. I fall for u cause i wanna u to be my gf. 18. I fall for u cause i wanna enjoy all my time spend with u. 19. I fall for u cause i know that u r fond of me too! 20. I fall for u cause i feel comfortable with u. 21. I fall for u cause i know that i can be ever-lasting with u. 22. I fall for u cause u look great whenever we went out together. 23. I fall for u cause u have a great height! 24. I fall for u cause i wanna try to love u even more. 25. I fall for u cause i think of u day and night. 26. I fall for u cause i even think of u in my dreams. 27. I fall for u cause i can't help myself for not thinking of u. 28. I fall for u cause i know that we can build a future! 29. I fall for u cause u r a pure girl. 30. I fall for u cause u will play with me at times. 31. I fall for u cause i really like u! 32. I fall for u cause u r a little piglet. 33. I fall for u cause u look real dumb at times. 34. I fall for u cause u have a unique voice. 35. I fall for u cause i simply love the way u r. 36. I fall for u cause u have a beautiful eyes. 37. I fall for u cause u will scold me at times. 38. I fall for u cause u will talk to me. 39. I fall for u cause u have touches me heart! 40. I fall for u cause u r special to me. 41. I fall for u cause i have met someone that will disturb me. 41. I fall for u cause i know when i have a problem i can come to u. 42. I fall for u cause u r younger than me. 43. I fall for u cause u say that i'm cute! 44. I fall for u cause u r able to let me move on. 45. I fall for u cause i can trust u. 46. I fall for u cause u r my friend for now. 47. I fall for u cause u know what songs i like to sing. 48. I fall for u cause i can remember everything u told me! 49. I fall for u cause i felt lonely whenever u r not in Singapore. 50. I fall for u cause i jus wanna fall for u! 51. I fall for u cause i love the way u r now. 52. I fall for u cause u have a beautiful hair. 53. I fall for u cause u make me realised how much i miss u when u r not around. 54. I fall for u cause u will nagged at me. 55. I fall for u cause u will be Pi Pa Gau for me! 56. I fall for u cause u will take care of me. 57. I fall for u cause u r nice to me. 58. I fall for u cause u r a simple girl. 59. I fall for u cause...

HELLoween night!!!

2006-10-28T06:25:00.000+08:00

I spent my Halloween @ Downtown East's Escape Theme Park... Took 2 rides... The first was the "Daytona racing" which Joanne was in my Car!!! The rides was too short though<> The second was the "Pirates Viking"... After all what interest me was the Fortune telling booth near the entrance!!! They have Chinese Palmistry, Indian Josher and Tarot cards reading... Went over to the Indian Josher first as the rest was in a long queue... The fortune teller told me that i will be rich in 3 years down the line!! He told me to hit the Iron while it is still hot!! Wow!! That's Cool!! After that, i queued for the Chinese Palmisty... Master Khoo's reading as quite accurate!! To my surprise, he did mentioned things that are related to me!! He told me that i will meet my "Gui Ren" and he/she will guide me along to have a great success!! Lets hope that this will come true for me!! He told me that i'm a thinker and he asked me to find a girl that must be able to be creative, intelligent... If a girl that is pretty, sexy and hot but stupid, he advised me not to be with her... Haha!! Sounds funny... But i do believe that one day i will have my true love that is ever-lasting!!!

Actually one person is only allow to visit 2 booth out of 3 as tickets were issued for the Fortune telling... But i managed to have 3 tickets as OBS have already given-up on the long waiting queue for each booth!! I still remember that my ticket number is 0721 and OBS's is 0723... HAHA.. Maybe will open 4D wor.. As for my Tarot cards reading, this is what i have picked out of the 72 cards respectively...>>>

Miss Hwee San who reads the Osho-Zen Tarot cards for me told me that she is suprised to see that all my cards are very spiritual!! She told me that i'm the first person that she have seen to have these cards since the booth have started the day before... I'm also amazed by her saying and also amazed that i have picked up such cards... As for the reading of the cards, i'll have to keep it to myself!!!

All About Me!!!

2006-10-18T01:51:00.000+08:00

My Life after struggling so hard to move on for my BreakUp!!!

Create Your Own!

Friends that are there for me...

2006-09-07T22:46:00.000+08:00

The Unforgiven Love...

2006-08-18T03:49:00.000+08:00

I don't think you understand.
How much you hurt me.
You just left me sitting there...
Feeling all alone.
Wanting to die...
Wishing it would all just come to an end!
And now...
I miss you so much!
I wish you would just come back to me.
And be a part of my life once again...
It's impossible for me to let you go...
Cause I love you so...
If only you would show me love.
Maybe you could just pretend...
It might turn out better in the end.
You are the reason for the smile on my face.
Cause you brighten my world...
And I cant help but say...
That this is not just another phase!
All I ask is for you...
to come back to me.
I know we could make things work!
If you would give my love just one more chance!
But I can't do this all on my own!
So I'm gonna need you to participate.
And listen to what I have to say.
I really do love you.
And I don't know how...
I'm going on without you in my life!
I really want us to be together again!
I wish there was something I could do or say...
To win over your heart.
But obviously you don't feel the same anymore...

The Loser...

2006-08-12T16:16:00.000+08:00

A year have past... I'll never forget this guy... The guy who stepped into our life... After 3 months of our breakup, they have got together, leaving me suffering... Leaving my heart bleeding and shuttered!

Honda Airwave--- My 3rd car...

2006-08-08T21:55:00.000+08:00

Honda Airwave.... By December, my new car will be arriving... Decided to change my car after much consideration although i'm really relectant abt my current one. I love my current car just like i love u, Hai Lee... Although my current car is old, i still love the way she drives me around!! I really has got no choice but to change one... My old car keep giving me problems!!

After i got my new car, i really wish that she can be the first girl to sit inside....Hai Lee, hope that u can be my girl who get to sit into my new car and me driving u around where u would always sing in the car... I really missed the moments when u start singing songs while i'm driving... I'll never forget abt those happy memories!!!

A life that sucks!!!

2006-08-05T16:24:00.000+08:00

Its true that everyone have their own lifes and very different from one another. Some have wonderful memories, some don't...

Me? Sucks that i would say... With my work and studies, they are trying to build up my stress level to the extreme!!! Furthermore, my personal life is also causing me lots of problems...

My car is wrecked by a motor bike who knocked into me and this involve a police case which i can't avoid it!!!

Friends come by and goes... Just like relationship which requires to be fought through between the couple themself...Friendships! It require individuals to make their effort for care and concern to their own friends... Like making effort to arrange meet ups, making effort to call one another, making effort to help out one another! If all this are not done, i'll guess that friends really come by your lifes and goes... Recently i have lost a friend and we shall never be friend again... Withstanding her temper, withstanding her playfulness makes me unbearable and could not hold on anymore...This is what i call "taking me for granted"! Though we must learn to be forgiving, but i guess that i have been too forgiving that she took me for granted!! Haiz... This kind of feelings Sucks!!!

Hai Lee, i heard that u have put on weight and seems to be putting more smile on your face. Seems to be prettier then before too... Which i guess i can no longer admire them anymore... Girl, u will always be the prettiest girl in my heart and always be the girl that i have loved the most... With my blessing, i hope that u could be happy and have a wonderful life ahead yah... Jack Shen, loving you always...

Life of my Singlehood...

2006-07-29T12:00:00.000+08:00

1 year have past ... but 1 year of unhappiness still falls within me... Why would this be so? i thought that this will be gone soon... But why? Why am i still running on the same spot where i know that she will not return to me anymore... I believed that she hate me more than ever now... Left me to die, left me to suffer, left me without any words... How hurtful am i now? Still...

Still i think of her, think of her smile, think of her laughter, think of her anger when she is angry... and many many more of her... Why? Don't she think of me?

My work and my studies have been killing me!! Now, my car... Giving me more n more problems too...

Hai Lee, i really wish to hear from you... Pls!! I missed you... Loving you still...

Symbol Of Love...

2006-04-26T22:55:00.000+08:00

To:Hai Lee

I wonder what makes me that determined to do so much things for u dear? I'm still finding the Alphabet Bear for u!! I can't really find it...There isnt anymore left in the whole Singapore!!! Btw this is meant to be hang on the Handphone... I have made it and hope that u would use it...

Jack Shen...

After 9 months of breakup, i'm learning to be independent... Though everyday is like hell without her, i have tried to move on... I'm trying not to blog in order to forget all things... But now that i'm blogging!!! At least when years have past, i'll have all the memories logged down in my blog... Even if one day i have lost my memories...

Telling the truth won't do,for that was a surprise to be
God alone knows that I really wanted to make a change for you
and be the first to greatly surprise you...
But it all fell on me and I feel like simply taking my life away though it won't help...
I know exactly how you feel about me,
and I doubt if you'd ever again give me a genuine smile...
It was never meant to be that way,
I am sorry from the bottom most part of my heart...
Though I've hurted you, but I'm also hurted...
I still love myself for I sacrificed myself
and went beyond my pride to make it worth...
Though all gone through and wasted.
God had a perfect reason and from someone
who madly and frankly love you, I'll miss you...
You were and always have been sweet,
I miss the way we used to drive the whole world wild,
I miss your touch, comfort and more so I missed you...
I know I'll never ever be with you again...
But i really hope that there is miracles,
that we could start all over again...
I'm right here waiting for you,
and desperately,
I MISS YOU!

Why are you so Cruel!!!

2006-04-17T01:13:00.000+08:00

Still remember these Pens? Still remember the moments when I say "I LOVE YOU"? Guess u have forgotten!! Still remember how much effort and how passionate of me when I fall in love with you? Although all were the past, but all those are what i have done for you just because i thought that we can be together forever... Just because i thought that our Love Story would be Pen down on our "Love Book" with these pens that i have made for the both of us... Why would u close the Chapter of our "Love Book" with sure bad ending??? The person that get hurt the most is ME!!! Cruel that i would described U!!!

9 Months of loneliness without u is really miserable... Why would u bear to see me suffering and leaving me to die?? You don't Love me anymore?? 6 Years!!! 6 Years of relationship and i have treated you like my Wife... But all u did was just to leave me for another guy... This feelings really Sucks!!! All i can say now is, I will still be there waiting for you to come back One Day... Dear, i really hope that u can accept me again and we can carry on with our Love Story once again... I Love You!!! Always...

8th April!!! My First Lonely Birthday Spent Without Her...

2006-04-08T13:59:00.000+08:00

Today is my Birthday! But what a Lonely Birthday without her presence...
Standing here all on my own, watching life goes by... Taking in those dreadful words... Tear drops from my eyes, I stood there as i watched you leave, and waited for the pain... Love can be a painful thing, you used my love in vain... Why'd you leave me here to cry? Our love had felt so... right? Why'd you go and break my heart, just like you did that time... Let me kiss your lips once more, so I can see it's true, help me see your love is gone, that I can't be with you... Don't leave me here to fall apart, to watch you fade away, tell me how you really feel, and why you just won't stay... I never thought I'd cry so much, I want to see this through... Although you'll never feel for me..... I will always love you so!!!

My Heart Will Go On For You....

2006-03-16T23:12:00.000+08:00

I missed you, Dear!!!

I know that I should try to find someone new.. But all I find is myself always thinking of you.. You dont even know it.. And why should you care? Your happiness is just pretending that I'm not even there..Forever means nothing if I dont spend it with you..But there's just nothing more I think I can do..I try to tell you I love you but you just stop listening..And I guess you'll never know that I'm the one you are missing..Give me just one minute and look into my eyes..Forget your friends.. Forget the world.. Forget the pain and lies..Forget about what people say and what other people might see..All I want you to think about now is what you think of me..Cause nothing really matters except for the people you love..And it kills me inside not knowing what you are thinking of..Maybe I am wrong and you really just don't care..All I want is for you to tell me exactly how u feel..I'd rather be hurt than keep believing what you say is real..Whether you tell me you love me or not, this will still be true..Nothing in this whole world could keep me from loving you..

This is the present bought by Pearline and is meant for u... That's your Christmas Present... Although it is over and the present is kept by me... You will be receiving it anyway... Still remember Pearline's Shang hai's trip? I told her to buy Hello Kitty bear bear for u, but she can't find it... So she bought those Hello Kitty stuffs which i told her that u like it very much...I hope that u will like it very much.. Dear, you will always be in my heart... Loving you always...

My Best Friend Is Alcohol....

2006-02-20T01:18:00.000+08:00

After 7 months of breakup, my life is still same.... Perhaps slightly better, perhaps even worst.... Guess i don know what i'm talking abt... Haiz... Throughout this 7 months, i have been so miserably surviving... I guess she is happily together with him while i'm like a fool waiting for a girl who will never come back... She is cruel!!! My weight seems to go down again and my emotion seems to be unstable... Now, Beer and Alcohol are my best friends... I have them accompanied everyday before i go to bed.... WHY? Becos i'm afraid to have bad dreams again!!! I almost have bad dreams everyday and can't sleep well!!! So i have found my best friend who can help me to sleep well at night... The Valentine's present that i intended to give her is still with me... I'm so afraid that she won't wan to take it...I'm so afraid that she would throw them away... I have spent a lot of effort to find places that make this Dolly! I'm really afraid that she will not accept them... I love her a lot that i can change myself, i can sacrifice myself or even die for her the second time... Now that i'm drinking while im posting this blog... I'm really Tired!!! Really...

My Valentine's Day Gift...

2006-02-14T04:00:00.000+08:00

When I Still Thought We Were Meant To BE...

2006-02-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

The first time I saw you I knew it in my heart
that I wanted to love you from the start...
You looked in my eyes with the honest appeal
I knew it right that I wanted you for real
As the days went by, our love stood strong
There was never a dull moment, just innocent brawls...
You lay on my lap, and watch the stars,
and wondered when our dreams would fall.
The time came, we argued and fought
You left my doorway, and left me in shock
I still remember the tear you cried,
because it fell in my broken heart
I still remember the end you see
When I still thought we were meant to be...

Dear, I love you from the start and i never wanted to end it this way... This Photo is the Dolly of Us!!! I hope u like it... Loving You, Always...Jack Shen...

I Love You Till Now...

2006-02-04T23:29:00.000+08:00

You Told me You Loved Me,
I Thought It was True,
But Now I'm Sitting Here Crying,
All Because Of You...
You Said I Was The Perfect Guy,
So I Gave You My Heart,
And All You Did To It,
Was Tear It Apart...
6 Years Of Nothing,
How Could This Be,
We Were Meant For Each Other,
But I Guess That You Could Not See...

A Different Reunion Dinner....

2006-01-28T22:06:00.000+08:00

Without her by my side really feels weird and different... Every Eve's of Chinese New Year, my Dear and me used to wash car together. But this year, everything seems to be different... Didn't even bother to have my car washed... Normally after reunion dinner, we would meet up... Be it going to "River Hong Bao", going to temple, going to Chinatown, stays at my house, or even meetup with our friends... But now? Got to live without her... WHY? Really feels lonely without her presence.... Really!! Everything really chances so much... So much that i can't believe myself... Sometimes i even thought that i'm dreaming!!! My mood today was really really Suck's... I'm tired....

Perhaps i should not be in this world...

2006-01-24T02:34:00.000+08:00

Every living thing in this world is cruel!!! Life is meaningless.... Suck's that i would say... People in this world are practical, cheap, bastard, slut, afraid of death, cruel, lazy, evil, sickening, horny, loser, ugly, beast, bitch, stupid, idiot..... I can't live on.... After 6 months of suffering... I'm tired!!! I'm miserable...
Every day i live like a zombie... Every day i have forgotten to bring smile to work... Every day my mind is thinking of her 24hours a day, 86400 sec per day... Got nothing to say... Just wanna know why she did that to me........ Sooner or later i will be mad..........

Alphabet Bear...

2006-01-22T02:50:00.000+08:00

The second Bear given to her...

My Lonely Christmas...

2005-12-26T02:00:00.000+08:00

A Christmas that is never meant to be... My life changes after my breakup!!! There goes the same for my Christmas... Its a boring day as i spent my Christmas at home... Got no mood to stay out for the count down and i really think of my Ex... This is the first time ever that i spent my Christmas day so lonely and so sad... I believed that for the rest of the Seasons, i will be lonely forever... Haiz, time really flies... Dear, I know u are there Celebrating your Christmas with your Boyfriend... You should! I'm wordless now.... Just gonna tell u i missed u like crazy!!!! I'm thinking of u my Dear!!!.... I Love u...

An unexpected meetup...

2005-12-22T02:06:00.000+08:00

The Christmas present that i have prepared for my Dear was meant to be passed to her through a friend of mine named Pearline... She was my Dear's sec schmates... I know that no matter how or what, My Dear will never ever meet up with me... All i can only do is to get the present pass to her through our friends... On the 21st of Dec, I got to rush down to Causeway Point after work to pass the present to Pearline so that she could give it to My Dear as they will be meeting over at Causeway Point... I know that Hai Lee will not see me and i really don't wish her to know that i have prepare her a present...When i called Pearline to meet up, she was already with My Dear... Pearline told me that Hai Lee will not see me but will receive the present that i give to her... So all i know is that i will not be able to see My Dear as she will be at the restroom waiting for Pearline to get the present from me...

After passing the present to Pearline, all i wished is that i could really see my Dear... But i really can't get to see her as Pearline told me that Hai Lee is at the restroom... My tears almost dropped off from my eyes but i managed to control it...

Later when i called Pearline up to find out whether did My Dear likes the present, she told me that Hai Lee is leaving soon cos she got to meet her friends... After that, Pearline met up with me... I told Pearline that i really missed My Dear and i really wanna see her... So she tried calling Hai Lee and managed to get her to meet me... I'M SO HAPPY!!!!

When she meets me, She cried!!! Her tears dropped immediately and i also can't bear to see her crying... My tears dropped naturally... After she is more stable with her emotions, she begins to talk to me... I wanted to wipe her tear away for her but she rejected me... We had a long talk after that and i asked her that does she like the present i have prepared...Although she did not reply me but i know deep inside my heart that she loves it a lot...

Dear, Still remember the tissue u have give me to wipe my tears when we were at the Bus Interchange? When u are waiting for bus? When the moment i begin to drop my tears in front of u..../? Dear, I really love u that i could do anything for u... To sacrifice for u...No matter how...To Die for u...No matter what... I know that u have been together with Kenny for 2 months soon... But all i gonna tell u is that i will be right here waiting for your returning Dear.... I'm wordless now... I really hope that there could be miricle.... I LOVE YOU, DEAR...

My Christmas Present for My Dear.... Its all my Hard Work!!!

2005-12-21T03:38:00.000+08:00

19th Dec 05... 5 months le... Arghhh!!!!!!!!!

2005-12-19T05:14:00.000+08:00

Life is meaningless... Haiz... 5 months of unbearable life for me is like hell... I don't know why, i don't know why i have began to hate girls!!!! I find that girls are frightening creatures on earth... I'm afraid!!! Real afraid... After our breakup, all the girls that comes by seems nothing to me... They seems to be just normal friends to me... I have been trying very hard to move on, but i seems to be like i'm running on the same spot... On and On and On..... I'm Sick!!!! Really!!! Love Sick that i would say.... All the girls that i have know since our breakup are just girls that i would treasure them as friends... Perhaps i'm a guy who treasure things that is related to me... And perhaps i'm a guy who is only passionate to things that i loved... Dear, i will be passionate to u... the only one.... i'm waiting for you to come home...dear... I'm waiting for you here...

7.38 PM 21 sec !!!!!! I Know....

2005-12-01T20:09:00.000+08:00

After all this months, i know that my dear is trying to avoid me... She won't even picked up my call and sometimes when she heard my voice, she would just hang up the phone... I know that i'm sad, I know that i'm Immobilised, I know that i'm lost..... And i know that i can't do anything... Today, i received a car insurance company letter who wanted to make a claim against me as i had an accident not long after our breakup. I know that my dear is not to be blamed and i know that i'm the one who make mistakes when i'm driving. The other party wanted to make a claim of $3460.20 against me. I was so sad... The first person i came in my mind is my dear. How i wished to tell her about me now. I know that she would never be back with me anymore, i know that she will not pick up my call anymore. I just know that what she want is to delete away me from her... But i decided to msg her at least to tell her how my feelings now. Not did i expect, she return my msg!!!! I'm shocked, i really don't know what to do next... She msg me at 7.38 and 21 sec at night... I'm really happy!!! I'm really really excited!!! But i know that she would never want to come back to me... I know that she don't loves me anymore... I know that she love that loser who stepped in... I know that....

Hai Lee Forever!!!!...

2005-11-28T03:24:00.000+08:00

That's my Dear's name on my body! I know that she once said that she was so afraid of me after I have put her name on me... I'm so upset that she have turn out to be afraid of me. WHY?? I felt the pain in my body when the tatoo machine's needle pieced through my skin. My tears almost dropped as i think of her when it is being pieced... I know that although i have tatoo her name on my body will not bring her back, but i just wanted to remember her for the rest of my life... The girl i cherish the most, the girl i truelly loved the most, the girl that i wanted to marry the most, the girl that i have kept my promised till now n forever....

I Missed You Like Crazy !!!...

2005-11-27T14:07:00.000+08:00

EveryThing I Do, I Do It For You....

2005-11-17T02:21:00.000+08:00

What have i not done? After our breakup? ~ ~Done a picture puzzle for her ~Done a picture pillow for her ~Created a video for her ( the video can be downloaded on my Links) ~Created this blog and a hello kitty blog for her ~Waited for her at her place for days ~Try my best to get her time table for her sch ~Send her Money every month even after our breakup as i have promised her ~Promised to change for her ~Save up money for her ~Done a mini album for all my letters wrote to her throughout this six years ....

My First Love...My Last Love...

2005-11-10T19:07:00.000+08:00

Can you remember the first time we met?
Can you remember how your heart started pounding on your chest?
Can you remember the first love-letter I wrote?
Can you remember our very first kiss?
Can you remember the day that you left me?
Can you still feel your heart bleeding?
Can you remember all the laughs that we had?
Can you remember our secret dates...our secret meeting place? Can you remember seeing me again after such a long time?
Can you remember losing me again?
Can you remember the night I got on that plane and flew out of your life forever?
Can you remember your first long-distance phone-bill?
Can you remember the feeling of your hands trembling every time you opened your Post box?
Baby, I remember every second...every tear, every smile of you back then as a 15 year old girl.. I remember your cheeky grins. Your laugh is the last thing I hear at night before I fall asleep...and your face is the first thing I think of in the morning. We have been apart too long that u won't ever be together again...because our love is too powerful, too intensive..too dangerous! The mere thought of seeing you, alone from the distance, sends shivers down my spine and turns my head spinning... You were always there for me, and you were my best girlfriend that i had...you were my life.. I swore to you that I would never ever love anyone again as much as I loved you, the pain would be unbearable, the fear would tear me apart, the fear of losing again... I will always love you, too much.. I will always remember the words you had told me, I will always think of you in every moment I live, I will always remember you for the good, & pray that God will forgive the bad, What you don't understand? 6 Years of my life was dedicated to loving you...to living you... You were the scent in my clothing, the smile on my lips,the daydream in my head during class, the sparkle in my eyes... But you were also the Sword that ripped my heart into pieces, the thunder clouds covering my sun, the pain pressuring against my chest - taking away my breath.. You were my first love and you will be my last love,and that's why I have to let go...before you break a heart that took too long to mend. Just love me...love that 17 years old boy that u used to love, but promise you'll forget me...forget the guy that I am today Yours in this life,& the life hereafter..

What can i say, What can i do...

2005-11-08T02:43:00.000+08:00

These are the words for u dear...

WHAT CAN I DO, WHAT CAN I SAY,
FOR US TO GET BACK IN THAT LITTLE SPECIAL WAY?
I LOVED YOU FROM THE START, BUT I SCREWED UP BIG...
AND NOW I BROKE YOUR HEART...

WHEN I SAW YOU NOW,
WITH THAT NEW DIFFERENT GUY
IT HURTS ME SO BAD, THAT I DID CRY
ALL I WANT IS FOR YOU AND ME TO WORK IT OUT
I KNOW IT MAY NOT HAPPEN BECAUSE I WAS A JERK...

WHEN I FIRST MET YOU, I KNEW IT WAS TRUE
IT WAS LIKE MY LIFE HAD JUST STARTED, SPECIALLY ON YOU...

I MADE A HUGE MISTAKE,
THAT I WILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH MY WHOLE LIFE

BUT I REALLY HOPE IT WONT AFFECT US,
I HOPE YOU CAN STILL BE MY GIRLFRIEND/WIFE...

MY WORDS ARE COMING TO AN END,
I HOPE YOU BELIEVE ME
AS I NEED YOU MORE THEN A FRIEND
I LOVE YOU, DEAR...!!!!

The Guy that came into our life...

2005-11-05T04:57:00.000+08:00

A guy who stepped into our relationship... Now my dear who left me for a guy which is her classmate that have just known for a few months... It was so heartbroken for me to realise that since my dear went into the U, they have been very closed to each other although i was not there. All along the guy have been always with my dear even my dear met my godsister in her sch. He has always been there with her that i didn't even know... How i wished to have killed myself!

Although it was all my wrongs in this relationship which my dear claimed to be, but through out this miserable periods that i'm going through now i have been thinking a lot... How could 1 relationship that only a person that make mistakes? Perhaps i not suitable for a relationship if everyone thinks that i'm all in the wrong... Love really suck's...

They have been together since 23rd oct which is about 3 months after we broke up. How could a girl fall in love with a guy for so fast especially we have been together for 6years 1 month... Perhaps the girl have no feeling for me for very long le.. it's just for the seek of going on... Perhaps i'm too naive that actually i planned to get engaged by next year and marry my dear after her studies... All this is just a dream of mine which i myself have been thinking only... How naive am i!!!!!! SUCKS....

I will always remember the guy who stepped into our love...

I Can't Carry On With My Life Anymore...

2005-10-25T05:47:00.000+08:00

A present for u...

2005-10-24T03:17:00.000+08:00

Dear, i know that u like Hello Kitty. Soon u will have a Hello Kitty blog created for you in near future... I'm now working on it le. I hope that you would like it. Well, today also as usual. so boring at home. So starts to create another blog for you. 1 & only 1 for you. That blog is specially for you k...

My feelings for you...

It was almost unbearable for us to be apart. In the absence of your presence, i found it hard to breathe. I couldn't eat nor could i sleep. I spent many long and lonely nights awake just thinking of you. My life felt empty and incomplete. God only knows how i got by. I love you & cherish you in every way. I hope we will see each other everyday & savor every moments we have together. Hoping you to come back into my life, my heart & soul. I will forever be yours lovingly, passionately and faithfully....

An Unexpected Call...

2005-10-23T02:44:00.000+08:00

I'm So happy again... Managed to called my dear & we chat on the phone once more... I was so happy, i did not expect to hear from her again. But so surprise that yesterday i get to hear her voice especially on the ''22nd''. Although on the 22nd of the month, we can't get to see each other anymore, but i'm glad that i can hear her voice & feel the presence of her around.
I called her at around 5.00pm after i come out from bathing.It was ''22nd'' & i was so lonely & think of her. I thought that she will not answer my call again but i decided to give it a try and she picked up. Perhaps this is fate that we get to hear each other... We chat for about 15 to 20 mins before my dear wanted to go to bath & went dinner with her family. How i wish to go together with them like we used to... Anyway i'm glad to listen to her voice le... I still remember that we chat till 5.18pm then she put down the phone to help her mama to dry the clothes before go bath... I'm SO HAPPY...
After that i went out alone to eat my ''lunch'' cum dinner at Bukit Timah. How i wished to see her there... After finish eating then i realised that i'm actually seated on table 22. It's fate... Then i went home...So lonely at home. No one is at home. Then at around 12+, got nothing to do so i went down to Marina South as we used to go there together with our friends... to play on the Guitar machine. After our breakup, thats the only machine which i will play over at Marina South. It's was raining then. I was standing there all by myself. Feeling cold & lonely without her by my side... Think of a lot & how i wish to cry but i can't.... Dear, Please come back to me.... I Love You...

22nd Oct 05... Our 6Years 4Months...If...

2005-10-22T01:56:00.000+08:00

Dear, its our 6Years 4 month if we are still together. Don't worry, the counter will still counts in my heart... The Years & the months will still be counting as long as my heart is on you.... Once i made my promise to love you forever & this will always be... So sad, you are not there with me to celebrate our mini anniversary where we used to have. Still remember the various small little bottle that i will always give it to you every 22nd of the month? Still remember that i will fold small little hearts using bus tickets(1 day 1 heart)
for you & i put it into the little bottle with some love peas? If i'm not wrong, you have about almost 20 bottle right? I still remember that u asked me to stop doing as u don't bear to see me spending so much...
I'm sorry if the amount of bottles that i give you is incorrect. I'm really afraid that you would say that i'm telling liars... Sorry...
I LOVE YOU DEAR!

"'LiarJack''...

2005-10-21T23:42:00.000+08:00

Still remember ''LiarJack''? Do you missed him? Remember our NeoPet which u call him ''LiarJack'' is a monkey and u said that i look like him? Actually i have make this monkey for quite some time le & wanted to give it to u. But i did not...I'm sorry Dear. Now i'm unable to give it to u le. So i put it on the Blog for u... Hope u would like it. Btw i will mail it to you as a letter for u.
Dear, today is so boring... I'm on leave but still got to go back to work as i have a presentation to my Big Boss but it was cancelled! Then i met up with Jeslyn the AIA Financial Consultant to take up the ILP(Investment Linked Plan). After that i'm alone at around 1pm & i cant help thinking of you. I'm sorry... Then i actually went to your house. I don't know why but i know that i will not get to see you or rather i don't even know whether will you be at home. I just missed you so much... I'm sorry if this makes you angry. I really love you.
At around 2+, then i went home. Tidying up my room for the coming refurnish of my room. I will be painting my room soon. How i hope that you will be there together with me painting. Still remember we painted your house together? I really missed the moments...
i was so tired by then...At around 5pm, i took a nap. By then when i wake up, it was 9pm le. Feeling very sad & i don't know why my tears keeping droping down... I'm crying! I'm crying over our breakup... Dear, I missed you...

My Dear Talk to me!!!

2005-10-19T11:58:00.000+08:00

So happy (moody feelings) to talk to my Dear Dear today! At around 4.46 pm, i tried to call her but she did not pick up my call. My feelings at that time was bad! Sad and feeling down...
Keep thinking of her and dont know what to do? Can't see her, can't hear her, can't feels her and also can't hug her... So miserable! How i wished to hug my Dear Dear...
Then at about 5.00pm, i decided to give a last try but instead i called her house. This time she picked up and i was so happy that i could not speak out a word to her. Initially she heard my voice and said that she is not around. We have been together for 6 years le, how could i not recognised her voice? We talked for 21mins to almost 22mins. How i wished to talk to her even longer like the time when we used to... How i wish to go back to the time when we first love one another. Dear, I told u in the phone that no matter what i will be always love u as i have promised not to leave you & be with u forever. U still remember? I will always be there for u no matter what happen to me and i sweared! I will wait for your return ok... I love you...

Our 3 months Breakup...

2005-10-19T11:41:00.000+08:00

Time really flies very fast.... It have been 3 months since we have broke up. Have not been seeing each other for months le... I really missing Hai Lee like crazy! Today is the day where i felt the most miserable day of each month. I can't forget the night that we have broke up and i can't forget the stupid things that i have done on the night when we broke up.

Dear, When i'm not around by your side to give you the Kisses & Huggs when u need one, and i'm not by your side to pamper you, Do remember to think of me, dream of me even ok... I will always be there for u! Always remember that i will be behind you to give u the support & encouragements when you need one...

Trying to move on...

2005-10-08T01:57:00.000+08:00

Days n Months have past... I tried my best to move on but it seems that i'm immobilized. I can't move on my life! It Sucks...! My days looks gloomy no matter how bright it will be. I'm Lost and seems hopeless although i hoped that Hai Lee will get back to me. I have lost a total of 7 kg and it seems nothing to me. How i wished to carry on my life together will her!

I think that to love a person is difficult, but to forget a person is even more difficult... I have regreted for my mistakes that lead to our breakups. But a relationship does not totally relied on just 1 person. Many people said that both is at fault or have mistakes that lead to breakups. No one is perfect! Not to talk about our relationship but it's the true to all relationship out there... I have made mistakes but could not be forgiven anymore... Really feel like dying...!

Why would things have happened so much in months! I really wish to be given 1 last chance just because i care, i treasure, i cherish for our love...

Words that tells my feelings...

2005-10-03T02:56:00.000+08:00

Once I was lucky,
I owned your heart of loving.
But what I did was giving the worries to you,
and let you taste the loneliness without caring.
All the times we experienced I hurt you,
I had never blamed on myself only until you were leaving.
Once I took you for granted,
I hadn't cherished your giving.

If you still wish to come back,
I will use all to prove that you will never be crying.
If you still wish to accept me,
I will learn from smile and end up with grinning.

Times you were with me,
I forgot to pay attention to my behaving.
But now you have walked away from me,
That I realized you are like the air I'm breathing.
Remember the day you said goodbye to me?
How could you just leave me in the cold standing?
Few months has passed since we were apart,
but all I desire is still your returning...

A Girl that i can't Live without...

2005-10-02T21:33:00.000+08:00

Dear, I don't wish to hear about your going
I've never felt like this before
I thought that you would be my wife
I don't want to be left anymore.
You told me that you loved me
It was hard for me to believe
That we have to went our own way
I never thought that you would leave.
You changed my life around
I cant turn back the clock
I wouldn't ever want to hurt you
I need you to be my rock.
i can't deleted you from my life
I think about you every day
But i cant make you love me again
All i can say is, wont you please stay?

I'm sorry...

2005-10-01T03:18:00.000+08:00

I have made my mistakes and i'm sorry to hurt you Dear... If i really could turn back time, i really wish to turn back to the time where we just left our Secondary School.
I might have done wrong some where but i really don't mean it. Dear...
This Blog is created specially for you. Since i told you that i will tell you what i am doing after our break up and i have told you that i will change for you to come back to me... I really hope to see you looking at this Blog daily.
Why i have done so much for you is because I really Love You a lot and you mean so much to me. I really Swear that you are the girl that i love the most and can't live without. I'm trueful for our love... Dear, you might have leave me for your own happiness and found someone out there after our breakup. But i will wait for you no matter how... Although it's hurt to hear that you have fallen in love with another guy after we brokeup in a short period of time, but this means that i'm not good enough for you. No matter what, i will change myself to be a better guy for u...

22nd June 1999~~19th July 2005

2005-08-22T02:37:00.000+08:00

Dear, still remember this date? It's the date when we were together... Still remember the place and how we get together? Still remember what did i give you that night? All this were our sweet memories and it will forever be in my mind... We have been together for 6 years 1 month before we brokeup. How's your feeling now? What are you doing now? I really missed you a lot... Didn't we said that we would get married and live happily? I'm really looking upon the time when we step onto the stage for our marriage.

翻着我们的照片想念若隐若现
去年的冬天我们笑得很甜
看着你哭泣的脸对着我说再见
来不及听见你已走得很远
也许你已经放弃我也许已经很难回头
我知道是自己错过请再给我一个理由说你不爱我
就算是我不懂能不能原谅我
请不要把分手当作你的请求
我知道坚持要走是你受伤的藉口
请你回头我会陪你一直走到最后
就算没有结果我也能够承受
我知道你的痛是我给的承诺
你说给过我从容沉默是因为包容
如果要走请你记得我
如果难过请你忘了我

Do you know what does this Song, 藉口 means? Do you still remember the day after our breakup and i went to your house? You played this song on your computer when i was on the floor. After that incident, i have been searching for what is the meaning of the song. Now i know that the song means that the guy is asking for a chance to be together from the girl and if the result turn out to be bad, he will left the girl willingly. If they were to left, he hope that the girl would remember their sweet memories and remember him. If the girl is still very upset about him, he will ask her to forget him just to give her happiness...

Our Breakup...July 19th 2005

2005-07-19T23:34:00.000+08:00

On July 19th 2005 which is exactly 1 month after my Dear Dear's Birthday, We Quarrel and breakup! I know that i'm in wrong and i hurt her too deep. I know that even i regreted is no use. I love her a lot which i promised her that we will never be seperated. But all this is just a Dream! After all we breakup and she is not returning to me. I really hope for her returning.
But after she have entered into U. I can feel her changes as i'm the closest to her and she's my Dear. Although not a big change but i can feel it. It's hurting to me to see that she is leaving me for her own happiness although i know that i have hurt her too much. All i hope is just her returning as i really treasure and cherish our relationship which i'm really willing to change for her. Just only her... I know that i'm a guy who is passionate and also possesive. But i really don't mean to hurt you Dear! You know that i love u more than anything. It's only that at times i'm playful and did not care about your feelings. I'm sorry Dear...I really hope that you can come back to me...
I have done a lot for you after we have breakups. You should know that if i don't treasure our relationship or feel "bored" for our relationship, i won't have do all this for you... I really hoping and willing to wait for your returning although you have make it very clear that your heart for me is dead. I will still wait for you Dear. 1 year, 2 years, 3 years or even 6 years, 10 years. I will be there for you... Waiting alone just to get back to you Dear... To give you the hugs when you need one, to give you the joy when you feel lonely and to give you everything that you want just because i love you truefully...